It's not so far from what I believe. [ believed??? it's tricky. ] It's not exactly the same, but there are some things that are similar between what I was raised with and the Qun.
[ but gently ]
It's fair to be wary. You're right to ask questions.
[ there's a pause before derrica clearly decides she can try to talk about this to matthias ]
I was taught that god is everywhere around us. God is expressed in nature, and that the world orders itself as god wishes it. We are all here because it's god's will. Wherever we are, it's because that's where we were always meant to be.
[ a painful thing for derrica to carry with her all these years. ]
I'm not explaining it very well. Seer Avidia had a way of talking about it that just...made it easy to understand.
[ Her tone is gentle, even if the sentiment is blunt. ]
What the Chantry teaches, it's... [ Derrica suppresses whatever negative descriptor she'd been about to use. ] It's different. I believe in something bigger than us that shapes the world, and draws breath with it every single day through us, and the tides and the turn of the season. My steps are guided by that force.
[ A beat. ]
Have you never felt something greater than yourself?
[That's a lot, within a little. Matthias takes a moment with it, considering. The question sort of takes him off-guard. He wasn't expecting to be asked anything.]
Well--sort of. I mean, magic, right? But that's not the same as what you're on about. It's a force, sure, but not-- like that.
Except I hate the bloody ocean, but--yeah. I know what you mean, then.
[Well. Actually.]
I mean, 'cause maybe that's why I hate it. 'Cause it's so big, and-- unknowable, like. There's so much of it and it goes on forever. And that's a little of how you're meant to feel about the Maker. Or a god, I s'ppose. They're loads bigger than you, and you're just this bitty speck compared to 'em.
[Yes but don't call too much attention to it ok!!!]
I don't-- [Hrm. Matthias looks down at his hands, and frowns.] I don't think so. I mean, I dunno. Maybe. I dunno. Is it like--big? The feeling? Like... you can feel it, right? And you know that's what it is, that it's-- a god, that's... guiding you?
[tmw you realize your good friend might be kind of heretical but also not entirely off-base
Which is to say Matthias (in a rare moment) realises he isn't sure of what he can say to that. Or that he knows what she's talking about, or that he's ready to confront something that big. This in of itself is like standing at the brink of some deep ocean precipice. If he goes over, he's over, and that's it.]
[Well. Hang on.] I mean-- No. [And then, more genuinely--] You couldn't make me uncomfortable. I like you too well, for that. It's not that I'm uncomfortable, just that, I dunno.
I've never really thought about things like this before. And you have. S' just... different. That's all.
[She said MAN and not BOY wow that means so much. First of all, it distracts him. Secondly, it means that Matthias has to work very hard to keep his tone nice and neutral and casual--]
Yeah, well. I mean it. But--yeah. I'm glad I know you as well.
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S'mental, not peaceful. Anyway, I'm not actually concerned-- [sort... of...] --just... I wasn't sure, is all. I'm all right.
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[ but gently ]
It's fair to be wary. You're right to ask questions.
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Hang on--really? Er, I mean the bit about the--what you believed being close to the Qun, and all. Like what bits?
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I was taught that god is everywhere around us. God is expressed in nature, and that the world orders itself as god wishes it. We are all here because it's god's will. Wherever we are, it's because that's where we were always meant to be.
[ a painful thing for derrica to carry with her all these years. ]
I'm not explaining it very well. Seer Avidia had a way of talking about it that just...made it easy to understand.
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[Well. Matthias screws up his face. I get it would be a lie.]
You're all right. God, that's not... the Maker? Or that is the Maker?
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[ Her tone is gentle, even if the sentiment is blunt. ]
What the Chantry teaches, it's... [ Derrica suppresses whatever negative descriptor she'd been about to use. ] It's different. I believe in something bigger than us that shapes the world, and draws breath with it every single day through us, and the tides and the turn of the season. My steps are guided by that force.
[ A beat. ]
Have you never felt something greater than yourself?
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Well--sort of. I mean, magic, right? But that's not the same as what you're on about. It's a force, sure, but not-- like that.
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[ But the last thing this conversation needs is for Derrica to start talking about what Seers do. ]
I think it's maybe like the feeling you get when you look at the ocean and think about how big it is. Is that a better comparison?
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[Well. Actually.]
I mean, 'cause maybe that's why I hate it. 'Cause it's so big, and-- unknowable, like. There's so much of it and it goes on forever. And that's a little of how you're meant to feel about the Maker. Or a god, I s'ppose. They're loads bigger than you, and you're just this bitty speck compared to 'em.
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That sounds right. I've never...I've always understood there is something vast beyond me. It's impossible to know, but I trust it.
[ it's Complicated. ]
Have you ever felt the Maker guides your steps?
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I don't-- [Hrm. Matthias looks down at his hands, and frowns.] I don't think so. I mean, I dunno. Maybe. I dunno. Is it like--big? The feeling? Like... you can feel it, right? And you know that's what it is, that it's-- a god, that's... guiding you?
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Yes, something close to that. I just think there's a different force at work. That's all.
[ "that's all" as if this is some small thing. ]
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[tmw you realize your good friend might be kind of heretical but also not entirely off-base
Which is to say Matthias (in a rare moment) realises he isn't sure of what he can say to that. Or that he knows what she's talking about, or that he's ready to confront something that big. This in of itself is like standing at the brink of some deep ocean precipice. If he goes over, he's over, and that's it.]
Have you... always thought that?
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Yes. All my life. It doesn't make you uncomfortable?
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[Well. Hang on.] I mean-- No. [And then, more genuinely--] You couldn't make me uncomfortable. I like you too well, for that. It's not that I'm uncomfortable, just that, I dunno.
I've never really thought about things like this before. And you have. S' just... different. That's all.
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You're a good man, Matthias. I'm glad I know you.
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Yeah, well. I mean it. But--yeah. I'm glad I know you as well.