That's not bad. I dunno anything about drawing, so I might pick out crap, but if I went to a nice enough shop I reckon they wouldn't even have crap to be picked out, right?
[He rubs his thumb against a wrinkle on the blanket that he'd bunched up a bit by crawling onto it.]
D'you think we'll all still be here, come Satinalia?
We can go to the shop together, [ Derrica volunteers, as she considers the weightier question. She shifts, leaning back with a sigh to lounge on one elbow. ] But I don't know.
[ Though she knows there's already murmurs of parties and celebration, who can say whether some disaster will happen that requires half of them to travel away from the Gallows? ]
It would be nice if we were. I'd like to celebrate with everyone instead of camping somewhere miserable.
You never know, we might be camping somewhere nice.
[He gives her a kind of half-smile.]
Only joking. We never camp anywhere nice. I s'ppose we're not meant to be enjoying it, so it makes sense. I dunno. I never cared much about Satinalia before. Then it was like, a novelty, y'know? 'Cause I hadn't cared. But now... I dunno. I'm going to enjoy it, still. 'Course I will. Just feels--like it ends.
[ The urge to placate him with immediate reassurances rises. Derrica is silent for a moment instead, watching him, before reaching out to take his hand and lace their fingers together. ]
Nothing's certain, [ she agrees. ] But just because we leave doesn't mean we won't come back. Or that you'll never see any of us again. Going away doesn't mean we'll have to lose sight of each other.
[He doesn't shy away from the handholding, or pull away from it. It gives him somewhere to look besides, instead of only at the blanket and the top of the bed.]
I think I got comfortable. And I shouldn't have. Only it felt good, so... I tricked myself. But I'll know better now. And you're right, probably, if people do leave--that's all right.
[ Dionisia is very present in her thoughts for a moment, so much so that Derrica struggles to draw a breath. Her grip tightens gently on Matthias' hand. ]
I know what you mean. [ Softly. ] But you can't isolate yourself, Matthias. You shouldn't keep yourself from calling some place home.
I don't think a place can be home until the war is over.
[ Not Corypheus. She's been reminded many times that the mages hadn't won anything, merely been interrupted in their pursuit. She turns Matthias' hand over in her own, gaze dropping to his palm. ]
But people can make you feel the way a home does. As long as we don't lose sight of each other, then it's just as good as four walls and a roof.
You're my home, [ Derrica tells him, because Matthias is. He's not the only one, but that doesn't diminish the truth of it for Derrica. ] And if you want to come with me when everything's said and done, you can.
[ Not that Derrica knows where she's going. The idea of settling is still so distant from her, as improbable as Kostos described. ]
It hurts to say. She'd made this same offer to Laura. Would Derrica see her again to reiterate it? ]
Here, let me see this hand, [ she says, drawing Matthias' palm towards her, into her lap. ] Did I ever tell you I learned a little about how to read palms?
[ Maybe it would be harmless to tell Matthias about the Seers, but Derrica hesitates over it anyway. Telling Ilias or talking about it with Kostos was one thing. She didn't want to test the limits of Matthias' generosity.
Instead, she sits up straighter, legs crossing, cradling his hand as her thumbs brush across his palm. ]
One of the Mothers was teaching me, before everything.
[ Everything. ]
But I think I remember enough to tell you a little about what you have here.
[Matthias squirms a little, the brush of her thumbs a gentle tickle. A little smile flickers over his face, regardless of his earlier mood.]
Tell me. Yeah. Or don't. I dunno, do people usually want to know? What happens? I reckon they do. I do, I think. Only you can't make it up to be kind or anything, you have to say it true.
[ She glances up to Matthias' face, wondering what he'd say about the way Seers looked into the future. But rather than say, she tip-toes her fingers along his palm. ]
It's the kind that tells us what sort of person you are. Sometimes that's helpful to people, so they can know themselves better. [ A slight pause, as she reaches to lift his other hand and set them both together in hers. ] And I'd never lie to you.
[ She squeezes his hand slightly, gentle. ]
Last chance, are you sure you want to know what I see here?
[Matthias shifts his weight back and forth as he considers this. It isn't a proper squirm. Derrica's hands feel warm around his, that little squeeze a comfort, but not so good as that promise. People lie. Derrica wouldn't. Matthias trusts her above anyone else.]
I reckon I know what sort of person I am. But I could still be surprise, I s'ppose? Maybe. But--yeah. [He looks up at her, meeting her eyes, and gives their joined hands a little shake.] Yeah, I want to know.
[ She smiles in response, squeezing his hands in hers again before taking a deep breath and dropping her gaze to his palms. ]
There's a lot of fire here, [ She says, with a little laugh. ] Which makes sense, I think.
[ Her fingers brush along his palm, lingering at the base of each fingertip as she leans back a little, taking in the full picture. ]
Here, I can see that you've the potential to be a good, intelligent leader. Stubborn, but responsible and dedicated to your goals. And see here, the way your thumb bends like that? It means you're generous, and kind.
[ She turns her hand up, head tilting. ]
We have the same calluses. Almost all mages do, from the way we use our staves.
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You can't set Commander Flint as a standard. He's impossible, but I got him liquor last year and he didn't seem to hate it.
[ He hadn't returned it, so. ]
Who else do you think is going to be so difficult?
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Umm. Well, Enchanter Leander. Definitely. Dunno if I can do liquor.
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[ A considering pause, while Derrica almost thinks to ask: Are your lessons with him going well?
But instead, she turns over a sheet of paper and marks Leander's name there. ]
He likes to draw. You could get him some charcoals, or a new sketchbook. He'd like that.
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[He rubs his thumb against a wrinkle on the blanket that he'd bunched up a bit by crawling onto it.]
D'you think we'll all still be here, come Satinalia?
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[ Though she knows there's already murmurs of parties and celebration, who can say whether some disaster will happen that requires half of them to travel away from the Gallows? ]
It would be nice if we were. I'd like to celebrate with everyone instead of camping somewhere miserable.
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[He gives her a kind of half-smile.]
Only joking. We never camp anywhere nice. I s'ppose we're not meant to be enjoying it, so it makes sense. I dunno. I never cared much about Satinalia before. Then it was like, a novelty, y'know? 'Cause I hadn't cared. But now... I dunno. I'm going to enjoy it, still. 'Course I will. Just feels--like it ends.
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[ A little prompting, Derrica's eyebrows raising slightly. ]
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Yeah. Riftwatch, I mean. Eventually. And people will go off and leave anyways. I might. It feels less certain, is all. All of it.
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Nothing's certain, [ she agrees. ] But just because we leave doesn't mean we won't come back. Or that you'll never see any of us again. Going away doesn't mean we'll have to lose sight of each other.
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[He doesn't shy away from the handholding, or pull away from it. It gives him somewhere to look besides, instead of only at the blanket and the top of the bed.]
I think I got comfortable. And I shouldn't have. Only it felt good, so... I tricked myself. But I'll know better now. And you're right, probably, if people do leave--that's all right.
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[ But she understands the sentiment. She's felt it before herself. ]
You didn't trick yourself. You care about people here. [ About one person who was here. ] That's a good thing.
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[He gestures with his other hand. Riftwatch, not just this room, or just the Gallows.]
I like it. I like being here, with you, and being friends, but-- You know what I mean. They all die. Or they go away, and that's as good as.
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I know what you mean. [ Softly. ] But you can't isolate yourself, Matthias. You shouldn't keep yourself from calling some place home.
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When the war ends, I'll leave anyways. It won't be home. Maybe someday I'll have that, but--I don't think this is it.
Do you think it is? Home?
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[ Not Corypheus. She's been reminded many times that the mages hadn't won anything, merely been interrupted in their pursuit. She turns Matthias' hand over in her own, gaze dropping to his palm. ]
But people can make you feel the way a home does. As long as we don't lose sight of each other, then it's just as good as four walls and a roof.
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Maybe. Yeah. [With his free hand, he traps his shirtsleeve and scrubs it over his face.] Maybe. At least for a bit.
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[ Not that Derrica knows where she's going. The idea of settling is still so distant from her, as improbable as Kostos described. ]
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And we go off and see what happens next, together? Yeah. I reckon that sounds all right.
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It hurts to say. She'd made this same offer to Laura. Would Derrica see her again to reiterate it? ]
Here, let me see this hand, [ she says, drawing Matthias' palm towards her, into her lap. ] Did I ever tell you I learned a little about how to read palms?
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You didn't tell me. At the Circle or somewhere else?
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[ Maybe it would be harmless to tell Matthias about the Seers, but Derrica hesitates over it anyway. Telling Ilias or talking about it with Kostos was one thing. She didn't want to test the limits of Matthias' generosity.
Instead, she sits up straighter, legs crossing, cradling his hand as her thumbs brush across his palm. ]
One of the Mothers was teaching me, before everything.
[ Everything. ]
But I think I remember enough to tell you a little about what you have here.
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[Matthias squirms a little, the brush of her thumbs a gentle tickle. A little smile flickers over his face, regardless of his earlier mood.]
Tell me. Yeah. Or don't. I dunno, do people usually want to know? What happens? I reckon they do. I do, I think. Only you can't make it up to be kind or anything, you have to say it true.
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[ She glances up to Matthias' face, wondering what he'd say about the way Seers looked into the future. But rather than say, she tip-toes her fingers along his palm. ]
It's the kind that tells us what sort of person you are. Sometimes that's helpful to people, so they can know themselves better. [ A slight pause, as she reaches to lift his other hand and set them both together in hers. ] And I'd never lie to you.
[ She squeezes his hand slightly, gentle. ]
Last chance, are you sure you want to know what I see here?
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[Matthias shifts his weight back and forth as he considers this. It isn't a proper squirm. Derrica's hands feel warm around his, that little squeeze a comfort, but not so good as that promise. People lie. Derrica wouldn't. Matthias trusts her above anyone else.]
I reckon I know what sort of person I am. But I could still be surprise, I s'ppose? Maybe. But--yeah. [He looks up at her, meeting her eyes, and gives their joined hands a little shake.] Yeah, I want to know.
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There's a lot of fire here, [ She says, with a little laugh. ] Which makes sense, I think.
[ Her fingers brush along his palm, lingering at the base of each fingertip as she leans back a little, taking in the full picture. ]
Here, I can see that you've the potential to be a good, intelligent leader. Stubborn, but responsible and dedicated to your goals. And see here, the way your thumb bends like that? It means you're generous, and kind.
[ She turns her hand up, head tilting. ]
We have the same calluses. Almost all mages do, from the way we use our staves.
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