[ Derrica sits down on the edge of her bed. It's either sit or leave her own room. (A twinge of regret at having this discussion here at all.) Her bracelets clink up her arm as presses one hand briefly to her mouth. ]
I'm glad you told me.
[ She absolutely is not glad to have received this information, but she can at least appreciate Athessa's unwillingness to lie to her. ]
Does it change anything? Does it change what you want from me?
[ The words come slowly, even though Derrica feels like she's posing useless questions. The answers are no now, but they won't be no forever. What are they doing but delaying something inevitable and miserable? ]
[ Can't, won't. It comes to the same thing in this instance.
Some small, terrible part of her wonders if it would be different if Athessa were a mage. But Athessa isn't, and what's the use of trying to theorize what could be if the world were something other than what it is? ]
I'm sorry.
[ And she is sorry. No matter what they do, this changes things between them. ]
[ Athessa nods, knowing and accepting and, despite this preemptive measure against it, hurt. But it's her own damn fool fault and she's not going to let it sour their friendship if she can help it!
So she swallows back any feeling that might prevent her from pressing her lips into a smile and holding her hand out for a shake.
Why? Why a handshake? That's weird, but it's too late to change course because it's out there. ]
[ For the brief moments that Derrica has a hold of her hand, Athessa can feel the grip as if it were around her throat. She can't say anything to make this better, that much is clear.
So when they both let go, all she manages is a lopsided smile that isn't a smile, a shrug not even a fraction as nonchalant as it might look, and--]
Well. That's that.
[ And the next words would have been see ya around but that grip on her throat comes back to keep them there and she shows herself out without any such promise. ]
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I'm glad you told me.
[ She absolutely is not glad to have received this information, but she can at least appreciate Athessa's unwillingness to lie to her. ]
Does it change anything? Does it change what you want from me?
[ The words come slowly, even though Derrica feels like she's posing useless questions. The answers are no now, but they won't be no forever. What are they doing but delaying something inevitable and miserable? ]
no subject
[ More than that, she doesn't want to let their separation--which is inevitable--to leave a gaping wound. ]
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[ Can't, won't. It comes to the same thing in this instance.
Some small, terrible part of her wonders if it would be different if Athessa were a mage. But Athessa isn't, and what's the use of trying to theorize what could be if the world were something other than what it is? ]
I'm sorry.
[ And she is sorry. No matter what they do, this changes things between them. ]
no subject
[ Athessa nods, knowing and accepting and, despite this preemptive measure against it, hurt. But it's her own damn fool fault and she's not going to let it sour their friendship if she can help it!
So she swallows back any feeling that might prevent her from pressing her lips into a smile and holding her hand out for a shake.
Why? Why a handshake? That's weird, but it's too late to change course because it's out there. ]
So. Just friends, without benefits.
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Yes. It's a deal.
[ She winds their fingers together, squeezes gently. ]
That's the only part that'll change.
[ Derrica says it very firmly, refusing to let any uncertainty into her voice. ]
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So when they both let go, all she manages is a lopsided smile that isn't a smile, a shrug not even a fraction as nonchalant as it might look, and--]
Well. That's that.
[ And the next words would have been see ya around but that grip on her throat comes back to keep them there and she shows herself out without any such promise. ]